Sex – Is it Good or Bad?

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The following text I received in my Email box from Sri Sri Avadhuta Raya Prabhu (Nitai). Though in good intention and with the aim of spreading the selective days for conceiving a child, I published the articles under headlines of “Sex is part of Life”. This headline is only to give meaning to the subject and get a clear viewer-ship, by this way spreading the message. Frankly, I did mention the avoidable days which are meant for Pithru Pooja, prayer and days such as Amavasya (Amavasai), Ekadasi, Poornima Pournami), Pradamai (the immediate next day to Amavasai & Pournami)  etc. – which are especially allocated for devotions for God. It is not at all against the Srivaishnavam or its principles to be precise and practical as far the creating a new generation, thus following the Astrological considerations given in the ancient scripts. I can surely sum it up as logical finding to consider this as a subject for Every individual, rather than only for Srivaishnava! However, my aim and intentions are sometimes, misunderstood and it got the adverse effect than getting a good deal of realism.

My published article on SEX is only just to give a better choice of future generation – a progeny of worthy ones (and never propagate anti-Srivaishnava feeling), and to find a fairly balanced gender selection –  In fact, I got more than 1000 Emails from different part of this globe appreciating the article. Purely based on the astrological point of view, the said article is published, just to give a warning as to which are all the days that is to be avoided for sex, especially if one considers for conceiving.  It certainly doesn’t mean, rest of the days for sinking in the act! To add value and meaning to our life, one should follow the below given article, that will relieve one from many sins.

The following text I got from Sri Sri Nitai Prabhu, really an eye opener not only to all Srivaishnavites, but also for the entire Universe. As the entire message is just Surrender to the Lord Sri Krishna, than to any other materialistic pleasures. Oh, if every visitors and reader can follow this in their day to day life!…… Go ahead…find the meaning of life, just as a part one’s own soul searching. I am not editing a word from his mail and putting the entire contents as I got from Sri Sri Nitai Das Prabhu.

Warm regards and my sincere thanks to Sri. Sri Nitai Das Prabhu. for giving the following wonderful article, which would surely help the entire society.

TRS Iyengar


 Dear TRS Iyengar, 

I found on your website some ideas, not written by you, that are a bit different from a generally accepted Vaisnava philosophy. I felt the Vaisnava viewpoint should be more emphasized because its purity can help all sincere souls on spiritual path to make quick progress in attaining the ultimate 

goal, the spiritual abode of Sri Vishnu Or Krishna.

Hare Krishna,
Pranam to all, readers.

I was very surprised to read in this website that there is some cheating information about sex and immediately remembered that, in the name of spirituality many so called ‘enlightened sadhus’ are propagating that sex is good. After Sri Iyengar Prabhu gave a nice points about the auspicious time when to have sex, so that the parents get good progeny, I wanted to add some spiritual considerations as well, that can be helpful for everybody who desires to attain the ultimate spiritual goal.

 First, one should strictly follow pure religious principles as laid down in the bhakti literature of the Vedas. All other paths will keep one in this material world. That’s why Krishna say in the Bhagavad-Gita traigunya-visaya veda nistraigunyo bhavarjuna – “The Vedas deal mainly with the subject of the three modes of material nature. O Arjuna, become transcendental to these three modes”. (Bg 2.45) So, Krishna is urging Arjuna to give up the path of the Vedas that will keep one in this material world. He wants him to become transcendental and so, to become established in

the self. To do that Krishna advises Arjuna to give up all kinds of cheating religions (kaitava-dharma) mentioned in the Vedas and surrender only to Him, Krishna.

Sarva dharman parityajya
mam ekam saranam vraja.

Now, concerning sex, only when it is done according to the religious principles it is pleasing to Krishna. That means there should be no desire for personal sense-gratification. Such sense-gratification according to the Bhagavad-Gita is in the mode of passion, rajo guna and it will end

in misery, rebirth etc. So, if you like to read forward this essay, I have given here some of my notes about sex, that I made while reading the words of different real sadhus who are strict followers of the path of bhakti, and some other notes I took from the scriptures. Have a nice

ONLY IN MARRIAGE – Sex life should be restricted to persons who are married. Sex life is the cause of material bondage, and therefore it is prohibited in three asramas and is allowed only in the grhastha-asrama.

SEX ONLY WITH WIFE – According to scriptural injunctions, one is forbidden to engage in sex relationships with any women other than one’s wife. All other women are to be considered as one’s mother. But in spite of such injunctions, a man is still inclined to have sex relationships with other women. These propensities are to be curbed; otherwise, they will be stumbling blocks on the path of self-realization.

RESTRICTED SEX – SACRIFICE restricted, unattached sex life is also a kind of yajna (sacrifice) because the restricted householder sacrifices his general tendency toward sense gratification for higher, transcendental life.

In this way, he have sex only to beget a nice son, who he will also cultivate to become a pious person devoted to Lord Vishnu. Putrayate kriyate bharya, putra-pinda-prayojanam.

ONLY FOR CHILDREN – Sex should be used only in marriage for begetting nice, good children. Good children means not rogues and thieves, but one who can understand God. Krsna says in the Bhagavad-Gita that I am sex life performed according to religious principles. Sex life for any other purpose means illicit sex. The use of contraceptive method for sex enjoyment is very sinful.

VEDIC REGULATIONS – The Vedas prescribe, therefore, sacred marriage for regulated sense gratification. Thereby one is gradually elevated to the platform of release from material bondage, and the highest perfection of liberated life is to associate with the Supreme Lord.

FAMILY LIFE IS NOT CONDEMNED – So family life is not condemned. But if a man forgets his spiritual identity and simply becomes entangled in material affairs, then he is lost. His life’s mission is lost. If one thinks, “I cannot protect myself from the attack of Maya – illusion,” then let him be married. That is prescribed. We don’t have illicit sex life. If you want a girl, if you want a boy, get married. Live in Krsna consciousness.

A HELP OF A GOOD WIFE – Without a fixed wife, a man becomes a debauchee of the first order and is a nuisance in society–unless he is a trained brahmacari, vanaprastha or sannyasi. Unless there is rigid and systematic training of the brahmacari by the expert spiritual master, and unless the student is obedient, it is sure that the so-called brahmacari will fall prey to the attack of sex. There are so many instances of fall-down, even for great yogis like Visvamitra. A grhastha is saved, however, because of his faithful wife.

AIMING TO THE GOAL – “with an unagitated, subdued mind, devoid of fear, completely free from sex life,” the yogi meditates on Paramatma, making Him “the ultimate goal of life.” (6.10-19, 31)

BAD RESULTS OF SEX – Impatience is due to loss of determination, and loss of determination is due to excessive sex. Being overpowered by the mode of passion – rajo guna, he can easily slip even lower to tamo guna and thus continue his material existence in this material world, life
after life. 

MEDIA, THE CAUSE OF IT – E.g. television damage the growing ups and the grown ups in so many ways. To name a few, it creates sex mania, increases violence, causes vocabulary loss, and diminishes family communication.

IN KALI YUGA – Stri te bhunkte ca hi rati viprate sutram eva hi – man and woman [are] united in marriage relationship simply on sex urge, not on the religious principle. That we have seen.

THE MATERIALISTS – When a person is devoid of devotional service, or Vishnu-bhakti, he takes to many sinful activities. King Puranjana left home, neglected his own wife and engaged himself in killing animals. This is the position of all materialistic men. They do not care for a married chaste

wife. They take the wife only as an instrument for sense enjoyment, not as a means for devotional service. To have unrestricted sex life, the karmis work very hard. They have concluded that the best course is to have sex with any woman and simply pay the price for her, as though she were a 

mercantile commodity. Thus, they engage their energy in working very hard for such material acquisitions. Such materialistic people have lost their good intelligence. They must search out their intelligence within the heart. A person who does not have a chaste wife accepted by religious principles always has a bewildered intelligence

CONCLUSION – Smaranam is one of the important methods of any process of yoga. That means one should not think of the opposite sex but about Krishna or Vishnu and His service.

smartavyam satatam visnur    vismartavyo na jatucit
sarve vidhi-nisedhah syur    etayor eva kinkarah

Vishnu, or Krishna, should always be remembered and never forgotten at any time. All the rules and prohibitions mentioned in the scriptures should be servants to these two principles.

This is only possible when one becomes detestable to illicit sex life, whether in married life or outside of marriage. A disgust, to even think about sex is the beginning of spiritual life. Thus, if the grihastha – a spiritual practitioner in household life, develops firm decision to not think, and not to indulge in unnecessary sex, in the  future he will be able to develop his love and attachment to Lord Vishnu and, if he chose so, to even become a first

class sannyas with great determination.

The following text I took from

It’s very interesting and highly instructive for proper execution of spiritual life. 

If a Vaishnava (Sri Vaishnava in original Tamil text) engages in improper relationships with women (or women with men) the following types of anarthas or results, one has to face.

01. By this, his/her body is affected badly and so it is an anartha or unwanted thing.

02. Seeing him others may also follow suit. so it is an anartha for them and also to the woman who is spoiled by him. (the above two results can be seen in this very birth itself)

03. By indulging so one disrespects the sastric injunction that ” one should not engage in a relationship (illegal) with a woman. if he does so surely the path way to hell is open”.

04. He will also incur the wrath of the lord, because the lord has told,” ajna’chedhee mama drohi — one who violates sastric laws are my enemies”

05. Because of such illicit actions he will incur the wrath and anger of Vaishnavas or bhaagavatas.

06. By the same said reasons he will incur the wrath of his spiritual master also.

07. It will increase opportunities to associate with like-minded persons. (It is said in tiru malai (song number 16)-” when I associate with persons who are interested in sense enjoyment I also fall into the illusory traps of the dangerous eyes of women.

08. Such engagement is contradictory to his eternal nature as that of being enjoyed by the lord, because the thought that ” sense enjoyment is very nice “is a stumbling block to realize his eternal nature as a servant.

09. Because one has to make so much endeavor to enjoy sex pleasure it is a great stumbling block to the thought that “the Lord is my only means and he is my maintainer.”

10. Because one may no longer think or will be able to think that “the service to my lord is sweet”, it is an anartha.

11. As said in tiru vaay moli (ThiruvAymozhi – Prabandham) – if one engages in sex enjoyment then he will not get parama pada or the supreme destination. As further said in the song – if one worships other demigods in some lifetime he may become a Vaisnava, but one who engages his mind in sex

enjoyment always attains hellish planets, because once he engages in such things his involvement in it will keep on growing. 

So, if a Sri Vaishnava engages in illicit relationship with women (or women with men) then JUST AS A CROCODILE WHO HAS CAUGHT HIS PREY’S LEGS WILL NEVER LEAVE IT WITHOUT COMPLETELY SWALLOWING IT TILL HEAD, sense enjoyment completely devours the nature of a devotee. This is the opinion of Sri Periya Vaachan pillai, another Sri Vaishnava acharya  

TRS Iyengar

Born on Makara Uthiradam star, native of Mukkur and brought up in Ladavaram village near Arcot and now well settled in Mumbai for over five decades. Presently, at 70, trying to run this website without any commercial expectations or profit motive, just for the sake of our future generations to understand about Sanatana Dharma & Srivaishnavam sampradayam.Within my limited knowledge that I put it here, what I learnt from the world.

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