Divorce? Think twice before you Act

Jaya Jaya Sri Sudarsana !

Jaya Jaya Sri Sudarsana!

Jaya Jaya Sri Sudarsana !

Divorce? Should one go for it at the first place?

Think twice before you meet your lawyer!

Marriage, a thousands of year affair, with good progeny and a healthy generation to continue has now reduced to shameless act of divorce. In many cases, the give and take policy in day to day life is becoming one sided affair, only take and no return. This can safely be said in the case of both partners. Moreover, the freedom given to the younger generations from the childhood days are, in many cases misused to find their own way, rather than accepting the traditional way of finding a partner. In some cases, the marriages are fixed by the younger, then approved by their parents! This is in contrast to the traditional way, where elders decide on this matter. Just because they were brought up in an atmosphere and circumstances, where the traditional values are forgotten. Nevertheless, parents themselves are to be blamed in many cases, as they did not bring them up within their fold and never thought of teaching them the values and ethos of our own culture. Ego and personality clashes, differences in personal nature that causes the splits rather than accepting and adjusting to the reality; not giving any value to the progeny and future generation thoughts. Though one might think this for the Indian community, I am placing it here for entire human community that has some or other interest in the future of the society in general and the world we create and leave for the rest. In all my researches within educated community, what I found is, the most astonishing factors that I list below:

1. Economic freedom, independence and employment opportunity with higher pay slab causes to gain upper-hand; the trend is mostly reversing the home maker status is now to be the other way round, if not sharing the burden.

2. Many feels, settling in overseas, mainly in the US of A with a green card is sole concern and for this sake, they do not mind cheating! By hooch or crook, their interest is to land and avail the card. Then the drama unfolds. I am telling this fact, that even among the boys are it is their dream.

3. If born and brought up in a high rich families, these trends are some how escapes; the middle class families dreams are too high to state here. But the lower middle and economically lower families are some how coping with the situations to stick together, rather than going for a divorce.

3. Parting and divorcing has become a norm with some elite families that I observed all along. May be, they think it is a kind of social strata that they choose or ignore the values to their personal benefits.

4. I know a family in the US, whose wife deserted her husband after 17 years of living with him; that too having two grown up children, now with their father. She just left only to get more rich and married an American willingly! Leaving behind her own issues, a boy of 14 years and a girl of 16 years. Just for sheer luxury life style. I am worried, where these sort of marriages will lead them to. It is a shame to the humankind that for sheer lust for money, luxury and comforts they sacrifice ethical values and break the bondage.

In some cases, when the divorce take place after bearing one or two issues, the worst sufferers are the kids; socially, psychologically and mentally, they are confined to some worst but avoidable situations. No one can imagine or compensate the losses they face in life; no one can feel their pain, excepting such sufferers themselves. It is an undeniable fact – the divorcees-in-wait, should give merit to this specific aspect.

Now, let us see how we can avoid these social evil that is prevalent not only in the developed nations but also in the Eastern countries, where such break in marriage was unheard once and the married life for so sacred for them to split. In the Indian sub-continent, once the order was to select a suitable alliance by the parents; then the marriage takes place with lots of fanfare, pomp and celebrations and the witnesses of all the close relatives, near and dear are present. The marriages has one aim, bondage for lifetime! Lover each other from then on. Wherein, now a days they love each other, arrange the marriage through parents despite not knowing the implications or about the future and that breaks when the point of disagreement begins show its face. Though the Indian marriage conditions are albeit different from the western culture, I put it here for every one to think on these lines for creating a better, peaceful and happy worthy generations in the future to come.

Only an unshakable faith in unity can clear the air. An in depth understanding of each others needs, character, behavior pattern and the mutual tolerance capacity that should be be judged by each other before they come to the nuances of the alliance. By which time a year or more passes and they get a fine opportunity to develop and evolve a co-operative system, thus preventing any break in their wedded life. When at times the understanding fails, then the elders used to interfere to pacify the couple. If that too fails, then keep them separated for a specific period and counsel them in private with all the sorts of examples and exceptions. This period allows them to munch their thoughts of the facts and by then their anger is vented out to accept the reality.

The other sort of counseling through astrologers, seers and Gurus of their family did help a lot! Yes, when the family members words no longer taken by the couple, then they take chance with every available alternate mode to keep them united. And the social stigma attached to the separated couple did cause some uneasiness with both, thus mending their way for re-union of the couples and continue with their bondage. In fact, most of the joint family system that prevailed in those days, never saw any such rift taking them for divorce. It was the elders in the family to interfere and pacify the warring couples to bring them on line; it was also a family prestige issue for them to bring the matter into public or litigation that saved the bondage. By the time these adjustments arrived, they get an issue to bring up, a child in the family would always help the family from breaking!

So when next time some one thinks of going for divorce, ask yourself – what sort of society you live in and what sort of society you are going to create by this divorce. Suppose, if you remarry what if you get a worst than the first alliance? (This is what I got the answer from many, who remarried, had to say that their earlier marriage was good to some extent, when they compare the present!)

Whether it is for the wife or husband; take a cue from her/him – don’t force your ideas or thoughts to other but say politely what the benefit or loss by making such an idea. Try to listen, your better half may even have some sound and valid reasons for his/her ideas. One can really understand these when they involve in love to each other; otherwise, every word here is a waste. Though, I have a lot more to add here, I would like to get the response from concerned individuals before I proceed further. Whether it is received in good taste or otherwise, I welcome the comments, suggestions and criticism as well on this subject. Think twice before you meet your lawyer, whether it is really a necessary to go for a divorce ?

Note: You can contact me with your problems – with your family details and horoscope if you can prevent/avoid such an occurrence in your own family – if and when such a talk on divorce arises. Free counseling and consultation on your own/your partner’s birth chart is given for the needy, but with prior appointment only.

TRS Iyengar

Born on Makara Uthiradam star, native of Mukkur and brought up in Ladavaram village near Arcot and now well settled in Mumbai for over five decades. Presently, at 70, trying to run this website without any commercial expectations or profit motive, just for the sake of our future generations to understand about Sanatana Dharma & Srivaishnavam sampradayam.Within my limited knowledge that I put it here, what I learnt from the world.

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